This hands-on tool will enable you to assess your ability to accurately hear what others mean to convey and discover tendencies that cause misunderstandings and miscommunications in your conversations.

THE PROBLEM: As I’m sure you understand from What? Did You Really Say What I Think I Heard? It's physiologically impossible to always accurately hear everything our communication partners intend us to hear – our biases, triggers, and assumptions get in the way. Not only do we face our own challenges as Receivers, but our communication partners aren’t always able to accurately represent what they mean as Senders, leaving out details that they assume we’ll understand, or choosing words we each define differently. Additionally, each conversation includes any range of situational biases that may carry history with it, or bump up against our beliefs.

We all have communication glitches in our typically successful communication. Let’s eliminate those atypical glitches and enable you to recognize your patterns and tendencies: once you learn to recognize where your problem patterns lie, you can begin the process of change.

Conversations can be challenging. But once you know the habits you rely on, your strengths and challenges, you’ll have the ability to avoid mistakes we might have otherwise missed.

HOW THEY WORK: The Assessments are simple. They require you to fill in the answers to questions or rate yourself – it’s a self-directed process that includes sections on Bias, Assumptions, and Triggers – the three main areas of concern. At the end of each section, there will be questions to help you consider ways to shift your tendencies, with recommendations as to how to resolve whatever issues might arise. You can do them on your computer or print them off. If you decide you want to take a step further and actually go through the change process, take a look at the Study Guides.

Please use this tool with as much vulnerability as possible: it may expose some listening habits and patterns you may have been unaware of that have unwittingly caused you failed communications. And keep notes for yourself as you navigate through this tool. They might inspire your learning.

NOTES:

1. The letters CP denote Communication Partner throughout.

2. Some Facilitative Questions are used throughout this assessment. Different from conventional questions which pull data, these questions are directional: they are designed to enable you to locate where, specifically, any problems occur and highlight possible internal solutions.

Thanks for coming on this journey with me. As always, I’m here to answer questions: sharondrew@sharondrewmorgen.com

Enjoy.

SD

During conversations I:

At the end of conversations I:

Bias is so strongly tied in to our core values and beliefs that it’s a journey to unhook from them. If you found that you bias your conversations more frequently than you previously realized, please go back to Chapter 6 in What?. Reread the chapter and re-do the exercises. Going into Observer is the only skill set I know that will circumvent instinctive choices.

For now, just recognize your patterns, your habits, and your tendencies, as well as clearly understanding your strengths and challenges.

I know when I’ve made incorrect assumptions when:

· The more you bias, assume, or get triggered, the less you hear of your communication partner’s intent.
· The more you bias, assume, or get triggered, the more you restrict possibilities.
· The more you bias, assume, or get triggered, the more risk you have of damaging a relationship.
· The more you bias, assume, or get triggered, the less creative thinking you’ll do as you work to maintain your comfort zone.
· The more strongly you need to believe that what you have heard is accurate and that you hold the moral high ground, the less likely it will be that you will be willing to have the flexibility necessary to collaborate with your CP. Would you rather be right? Or in relationship?

If you seek to have more choice, go back to Chapter 6 in What? and practice going into Observer. The ability to go into Observer gives you the tools to notice precisely when you are out of choice and need to get back in choice. Additionally, you may want to consider working with the Study Guides to enhance your skill set.