As an inventor of systemic decision-making models, I’ve worked with well-meaning leaders, coaches, sellers, and managers who frequently end up with inadequate decisions and difficult implementations. There are several reasons for this:
I’d like to share what I think are the often-ignored initial stages of decision making that would make it possible to achieve successful, timely, risk free, and successful outcomes that are implemented easily, with buy-in; evade resistance; and are maintained over time.
STEPS OF DECISION MAKING
Stage One: Assemble or represent (in large organizations, it could be a representative of a group) those currently involved with the problem as well as those who will ‘touch’ the ultimate solution. Excluding any of these folks means
Rule: Buy-in, risk management, and a complete data set is needed to accurately define a problem and set the stage for efficient implementation and maintenance. This requires leaders to begin projects by including, as part of the initial discovery and goal-setting, the full representation of the people who have been part of the problem and will touch the final solution.
Stage One concludes with a complete, accurate, stated goal that includes the values/beliefs of the system, agreement to manage any unforeseen risks that must be managed and buy-in by all who will use the final output.
Stage Two: The system and risks that underlies the problem/solution must be understood and managed by all before going forward toward resolution. Questions to be answered:
Rule: Because outputs are restricted by the input, before the formal change process commences, it’s necessary to manage whatever has kept the problem from being resolved so flawed elements can be reviewed and new systems can be put in place to represent the new solution.
Stage Two concludes with an understanding of, and plans to resolve, the systems that have maintained the problem and replaced with new systems to generate, implement, and maintain the new solution.
Stage Three: Once goals have been set with all representative voices, workarounds have been found insufficient, the risks of change known and managed, and there’s buy-in from all who will touch the new solutions, standard decision-making models and processes take over.
SKILLS FOR STEPS
To accomplish these early-stage decision making steps, you’ll need these skills:
Too many decision-making processes start by being defined by leaders who assume needs and overlook assembling a full representation of stakeholders, causing flawed data collection, no awareness of the risks of change, difficult goal setting, and difficulty implementing, not to mention the probability of resistance and struggle over time.
If you would like help ensuring these early steps get done completely, I’d love to coach you and your team through the process. sharondrew@sharondrewmorgen.com
___________________
Sharon-Drew Morgen is a breakthrough innovator and original thinker, having developed new paradigms in sales (inventor Buying Facilitation®, listening/communication (What? Did you really say what I think I heard?), change management (The How of Change™), coaching, and leadership. She is the author of several books, including her new book HOW? Generating new neural circuits for learning, behavior change and decision making, the NYTimes Business Bestseller Selling with Integrity and Dirty Little Secrets: why buyers can’t buy and sellers can’t sell). Sharon-Drew coaches and consults with companies seeking out of the box remedies for congruent, servant-leader-based change in leadership, healthcare, and sales. Her award-winning blog carries original articles with new thinking, weekly. www.sharon-drew.com She can be reached at sharondrew@sharondrewmorgen.com.
Sharon Drew Morgen March 9th, 2026
Posted In: News
I recently heard a project manager in a software services company mention a ‘very important’ book on persuasion that she passed on to her team. I was curious why she liked it
S: It’s vital we persuade our clients. My team must learn to use the right words to convince them they’re wrong, and get them to change their thinking so we can do what we need to do.
SD: You convince your clients they’re wrong and want to change their thinking even if they don’t agree? And use persuasion strategies rather than maybe facilitate them through a collaborative decision making process and find ways to meld ideas and agree together?
S: They don’t want to agree and we don’t want them to collaborate. They start off wanting it their way. From years of working with these sorts of problems, we know what they need better than they do. That’s why we need to use the best persuasion techniques to change their minds.
I found the conversation unsettling.
WHAT IS PERSUASION – AND WHY IS IT DISRESPECTFUL?
When I looked up persuasion, seems Aristotle defined it with the terms Ethos, Pathos, and Logos. Google defines it as an ‘act of convincing’ ‘to put his/her audience into a state of conflict’. The concept has been around a long time – probably since God persuaded the Serpent to eat the apple.
But I suggest that persuasion tactics do not cause change or facilitate others in making good decisions. Indeed, influencing and attempting to persuade others merely causes resistance: since all change occurs from beliefs, attempts by coaches, leaders, sellers, etc. to do what the practitioner prefers largely fail.
Sales strategies employ persuasion to convince people to buy; doctors and healthcare professionals employ biased stories and facts to encourage patients to act, or behave, in ways the docs consider beneficial; coaches use influencing strategies to persuade clients to make the changes the coach recommends.
But these strategies are largely ineffective: Not only will people not do what the influencer wants them to do, they’ll most likely distrust the influencer even if it turns out the influencer is accurate.
By attempting to persuade another to do what you want them to do (even if in their ‘own best interests’), you’re assuming your ideas are right for them, taking away their agency, their personal power, and usurping it for your own need to be right. Not to mention preventing a more robust, and dare I say more creative, outcome to emerge.
My definition is a bit different: persuasion is an influencer’s attempt to get another person to do what the influencer wants, regardless of its efficacy, regardless of the omission of a potentially more creative solution, and even when it goes against the person’s beliefs and wishes.
In fact, people will only change if their values are incorporated into the change. And if an outsider seeks to prompt action without agreement and values alignment, resistance and sabotage will result.
PERSUASION BREAKS SPIRITUAL LAWS
For me, trying to convince another to do what you want them to do breaks a spiritual law: everyone has the right to their own opinions, beliefs, choices, and actions, and the right to behave according to their own self-interest and values.
I believe it’s disrespectful and an act of hubris, even if I think – especially if I ‘know’! – I’m right. No one, no one, can be ‘right’ for another person. Not to mention being ‘right’ is subjective and not necessarily ‘right’.
I looked up ‘persuasion strategies’ to learn what ‘experts’ suggest. They all include finely honed tactics and subliminal convincer strategies:
* Find common ground! * Use their names often! * Prepare for arguments! * Make it seem beneficial to them! * Be confident! * Flatter them and appeal to their emotions! *Motivate action!
Ploys to manipulate, to influence at all costs.
But what’s the cost? A disgruntled, resentful buyer. A client or patient who won’t use your services again or is resentful. The loss of collaboratively thinking together that can discover an outcome that’s win/win for both and potentially even more effective over time than the influencer’s suggestions.
Regardless of the outcome, win/lose just doesn’t exist. It’s either win/win or lose/lose. If everyone doesn’t win, everyone loses. By using force instead of real power to enable the Other to discover her own route to excellence, you’re disrespecting them.
Why, I ask, would anyone want to persuade another to go beyond their own beliefs, or choices, or intentions? Maybe because it’s the only way they can get what they want? Maybe because they believe the other is harming themselves? Maybe because of a political, or scientific, argument? Whatever the case, persuasion is not only disrespectful, but ineffective.
Persuasion is one-sided and makes false assumptions when influencers believe their suggests are the best options; that the internal relationships, politics, values, history, of the Other are not worthy of consideration; that the persuader ‘should’ be heeded because they’re ‘in authority’; or – worse of all – that the person isn’t capable of figuring out their own route forward.
CASE STUDY
My neighbor Maria came to my house crying one day. Her doctor had told her she was borderline diabetic and needed to eat differently. He gave her a printed list of foods to eat and foods to avoid and spent time persuading her to stop eating whatever she was eating because his list of foods was essential to her health.
She told me she’d been trying for months, lost some weight, but finally gave up and went back to her normal eating habits and gained back the weight. But she was fearful of dying from diabetes like her mother did. She’d tried to listen to her doc, she didn’t want to be sick, but she just couldn’t do what the doc requested. She asked if I could help, and I told her I’d lead her through to finding her own answers. Here was our exchange.
SDM: I know your doc wants you to change your eating habits for health reasons. I’ll ask you some questions that might lead you to ways to help you figure out how to eat healthier. I’ll start at the very beginning. Who are you?
Maria: I’m a wife, mother and grandmother.
SDM: As a wife, mother and grandmother, what are your beliefs and values?
Maria: I believe I’m responsible for feeding my family in a way that makes them happy.
SDM: What is it you’re doing now that makes them happy?
Maria: My family all live nearby. Every morning I get up early and make 150 tortillas. When they go to work and school in the morning, they stop by and I hand them out to each for their breakfast and lunch. I always make enough for me and Joe to have for breakfast. The doctor says they’re bad for me with all the lard in them and that I must stop eating them. I’ve tried to stop, but they’re a big part of my diet. When the doctor said to stop eating them, I felt he doesn’t want me to love my family.
SDM: So I hear that tortillas are the way you keep your family happy. Is there any other way you can keep your family happy by feeding them without putting your own health at risk?
Maria: Hmmmm… I could make them enchiladas. They don’t have lard, and my family loves them. And my daughter Sonia makes tortillas almost as good as mine.
Then we figured out a terrific plan. Maria invited her entire family for dinner and presented Sonia with her tortilla pan outfitted with a big red bow. She told her family she couldn’t make tortillas any more due to health reasons, but Sonia, the new “Tortilla Tia,” would make them tortillas every day just like Maria did, and she’d make them enchiladas once a week instead. Maria then proceeded to lose 15 pounds, kept the weight off, and is no longer pre-diabetic.
WHAT PERSUASION MISSES
In this case study, the doctor attempted to persuade Maria to do what he thought best with a conventional one-size-fits-all food plan. Yet with the proper questions, an intent to facilitate collaboration and discovery, he could have led her to figure out for herself how to solve the problem her own way, using her own history and values. The diet the doc gave her went against her lifestyle, but he was so intent on doing what he thought ‘best’ he overlooked Maria’s own power to figure out her own solution. Ultimately, she didn’t need persuasion, she needed a facilitated conversation that enabled Maria to discover her own best choices.
Imagine your job is to facilitate folks through their own route to Excellence.
Persuasion tactics seek to meet the needs of the persuader, without accounting for the Other’s discovery through their personal beliefs and lifestyle realities:
Regardless of how ‘right’ you or your solution might be, if the Other feels like you’re pushing, or forcing, or manipulating; if you’re asking biased questions based on YOUR need to know so you can use it against them; it’s pretty hard to persuade anyone without there being resentment. Not to mention can you truly believe that YOUR way is the BEST way for another person, and they have no agency to figure out their own route?
COLLABORATIVE CONVERSATION
Here are a few tips to guide an unbiased conversation that eventually leads the Other to discovering a path forward using their own values.
Instead of trying to persuade, why not try collaborative conversation and facilitated questioning so you both can discover, together, a win/win that serves you both. Instead of it being either/or, why not both/and? Why not trust Others to discover their own answers.
Sharon-Drew Morgen is a breakthrough innovator and original thinker, having developed new paradigms in sales (inventor Buying Facilitation®, listening/communication (What? Did you really say what I think I heard?), change management (The How of Change™), coaching, and leadership. She is the author of several books, including her new book HOW? Generating new neural circuits for learning, behavior change and decision making, the NYTimes Business Bestseller Selling with Integrity and Dirty Little Secrets: why buyers can’t buy and sellers can’t sell). Sharon-Drew coaches and consults with companies seeking out of the box remedies for congruent, servant-leader-based change in leadership, healthcare, and sales. Her award-winning blog carries original articles with new thinking, weekly. www.sharon-drew.com She can be reached at sharondrew@sharondrewmorgen.com.
Sharon Drew Morgen March 2nd, 2026
Posted In: News
We all know the importance of listening; of connecting with others by being present and authentic to deeply hear their thoughts, ideas, and feelings. We work hard at listening without judgment, carefully, with our full attention to connect and respect.
But are we hearing them without bias? I contend we’re not. And it’s not our fault.
WHAT IS LISTENING?
From the work I’ve done unpacking how our brains make sense of incoming messages, I believe that listening is far more than hearing words and understanding another’s shared thoughts and feelings.
There are several problems with us accurately hearing what someone says, regardless of our intent to show up as empathetic listeners. Listening is actually a brain thing that has little do to with meaning: our brains determine what we hear. And they weren’t designed to be objective. There are two primary reasons:
Just as we perceive color when light receptors in our eyes send messages to our brain to translate the incoming light waves (the world has no color), meaning is a translation of sound vibrations that have traversed a very specific brain pathway after we hear them.
As such, I define listening as
our brain’s progression of making meaning from incoming sound vibrations – an automatic, electrochemical, biological, mechanical, and physiological process during which spoken words, as meaningless puffs of air, eventually get translated into meaning by our existing neural circuitry, leaving us to understand some unknown fraction of what’s been said – and even this is biased by our existing knowledge.
HOW BRAINS LISTEN
I didn’t start off with that definition. Like most people, I had thought that if I gave my undivided attention and listened ‘without judgment’, I’d be able to hear what a Speaker intended. But I was wrong.
When writing my book WHAT? on closing the gap between what’s said and what’s heard, I was quite dismayed to learn that what a Speaker says and what a Listener hears are often two different things.
It’s not for want of trying; Listeners work hard at empathetic listening. But the way our brains are organized make it difficult to hear others without bias.
Seems everything we perceive is translated (and restricted) by the circuits already in our brains. If you’ve ever heard a conversation and had a wholly different takeaway than others in the room, or understood something differently from the intent of the Speaker, it’s because brains have a purely mechanistic and historic approach to translating incoming content.
Here’s a simplified version of what happens when someone speaks:
– the sound of their words enter our ears as mere vibrations (meaningless puffs of air),
– and face dopamine, which distorts the incoming message/sound vibrations according to our beliefs.
– What’s left gets turned into electro-chemical signals (also meaningless) that
– get sent for translation to existing circuits, with
– a ‘close-enough’ match to historic circuits
– that then discard whatever doesn’t match
– causing us to ‘hear’ some unknown fragments of messages
– translated through circuits we already have on file (i.e. We translate incoming words through our historic circuits, making it almost impossible to accurately hear what’s been said)!
It’s mechanical. And it’s all biased by our own history, regardless of what a speaker says or intends. We hear some subjective version of what we already know.
The worst part is that during the process, when our brain discards signals that don’t match our history, it doesn’t tell us! So if you say “ABC” and the closest circuit match in my brain is “ABL” my brain discards D, E, F, G, etc. and fails to tell me what it threw away!
That’s why we believe what we ‘think’ we’ve heard is accurate. Our brain actually tells us that our biased rendition of what it thinks it heard is what was said, regardless of how near or far that interpretation is from the truth.
With the best will in the world, with the best empathetic listening, by being as non-judgmental as we know how to be, as careful to show up with undivided attention, just about everything we hear is naturally biased. [Note: to address this problem, I developed a unique training that first generates new neural circuits before offering new content so the brain will accurately understand, then retain, the new without bias.]
IT’S POSSIBLE TO GET IT ‘RIGHTER’
The problem is our automatic, mechanistic brain. Since we can’t easily change the process itself (I’ve been developing brain change models for decades; it’s possible to add new circuits.), it’s possible to interfere with the process.
I’ve come up with two ways to listen with more accuracy:
To make sure I understood what you said accurately, I’m going to tell you what I think you said. Can you please tell me what I misunderstood or missed? I don’t mind getting it wrong, but I want to make sure we’re on the same page.
Listening is a fundamental communication tool. It enables us to connect, collaborate, care, and relate with everyone. By going beyond Active Listening, by adding Brain Listening to empathetic listening, we can now make sure what we hear is actually what was intended.
______________________________
Sharon-Drew Morgen is a breakthrough innovator and original thinker, having developed new paradigms in sales (inventor Buying Facilitation®, listening/communication (What? Did you really say what I think I heard?), change management (The How of Change™), coaching, and leadership. She is the author of several books, including her new book HOW? Generating new neural circuits for learning, behavior change and decision making, the NYTimes Business Bestseller Selling with Integrity and Dirty Little Secrets: why buyers can’t buy and sellers can’t sell). Sharon-Drew coaches and consults with companies seeking out of the box remedies for congruent, servant-leader-based change in leadership, healthcare, and sales. Her award-winning blog carries original articles with new thinking, weekly. www.sharon-drew.com She can be reached at sharondrew@sharondrewmorgen.com.
Sharon Drew Morgen February 23rd, 2026
Posted In: Communication, Listening
When I started up my tech company in the UK in 1983, I wanted a company that served both clients and staff with kindness, honesty and authenticity, a bit of fun, and lots of learning. I set about hiring employees that would support those values. They became the glue that held us all together.
My first job was to serve my employees so they could then serve our clients. After all, these folks would be the touch point between the people who would buy my product and the company. My employees were my first customers.
EMPLOYEE CARE
To ensure employees remained creative, loyal, and engaged, especially those in the field and who I didn’t regularly see, I called each of the 48 techies monthly to check in and held monthly meetups at a pub (Darts was my Waterloo. I think one needs to be British to win.); weekly, I sat down with the 8 managers, the receptionist (who knew EVERYTHING) and my secretary (ditto) to catch up. And my door was always open.
To keep managers inspired, I gave them an all-expense paid week off a year (besides their annual holiday) to take any course of their choosing (not work-specific). And when I noticed them lagging from working too many intense hours (it was hard to get them to take vacations!) I sent them home for a few days for some ‘mental health’ time after calling their wives (in those days in the UK, men worked, women did childcare) to keep them ‘in bed’ for a while. I even sent meals from a local restaurant. I took care of them with the same thoughtfulness and care I did my clients.
We did well. In just under 4 years, we had a $5,000,000 gross income – with no computers, no web, no email, no urls, no online anything. Just me, a phone, in-person meetings, and my wonderful team who kept clients happy and called me when they heard of a lead within the client’s workplace.
I’m certain our success came from my team: much of our growth came from happy clients giving us repeat business and referrals. We doubled our business every year. That was 40 years ago, and the company is still in business.
In the 5 years I ran the company only one person left, due to a cross-country move. I learned afterwards that most of my folks had been approached by competitors and offered double the salary, but they wouldn’t leave due to the respect and hands-on care I gave them. Plus, they found it great fun to watch me attempt to play darts every month.
HAS IT CHANGED TOO MUCH?
It seems to be different now. Money seems to be an overriding criterion and people don’t seem to matter.
A client recently told me of a colleague – a long-standing sales team member and good producer – who quit due to the disrespect she felt from her manager and COO.
I asked if she’d explained her reasons at her exit interview so the company could fix their internal issues and stop others from quitting also. Seems she was just asked to complete a survey and was not given an exit interview. And, according to my client, he and several team members are looking for jobs due to the disrespect rampant in the company.
Seems the company has no criteria around improvement, obviously committed to maintaining the status quo.
Have times changed and people have become a commodity? Currently only 50% of companies offer an exit interview, while 75% offer a survey. That leads me to wonder how many companies don’t achieve their potential due to unhappy employees or disrespectful management. I can’t understand why they’d prefer to go through the time and expense to rehire and train new employees than fix the problems that caused them.
EXIT INTERVIEWS
Obviously, exit interviews that ask hard questions (“Is there something we’re doing as a company that should be improved? That, if fixed, would have enabled you to stay?”) would offer meaningful insights that could illuminate underlying problems in the culture, employee satisfaction, and the employee lifecycle. But that’s not happening as often as it should.
I’d like to offer a few Facilitative Questions™ to help companies currently not offering exit interviews reconsider their employee practices in hopes they’ll be more aware of their responsibility around serving employees well. After all, they’ve spent time and money hiring and training folks to represent them. Might as well keep them and simultaneously run a respectful company.
o Have continual checks on management skills to ensure employee happiness?
o Offer management training programs to ensure respect, collaboration, communication, and kindness are part of their daily practice?
o Put required exit interviews in place led by HR professionals?
o Develop hiring practices that sort for managers who put employee respect and growth as necessary skills?
I would like to think that employees aren’t considered a commodity, or that companies aren’t above self-examination or willingness to improve. Do your company a favor: make employee retention, satisfaction, respect, and creativity part of your company identity. And commit to doing exit interviews to discover your weaknesses so you can improve your bottom line.
_________________________
Sharon-Drew Morgen is a breakthrough innovator and original thinker, having developed new paradigms in sales (inventor Buying Facilitation®, listening/communication (What? Did you really say what I think I heard?), change management (The How of Change™), coaching, and leadership. She is the author of several books, including her new book HOW? Generating new neural circuits for learning, behavior change and decision making, the NYTimes Business Bestseller Selling with Integrity and Dirty Little Secrets: why buyers can’t buy and sellers can’t sell). Sharon-Drew coaches and consults with companies seeking out of the box remedies for congruent, servant-leader-based change in leadership, healthcare, and sales. Her award-winning blog carries original articles with new thinking, weekly. www.sharon-drew.com She can be reached at sharondrew@sharondrewmorgen.com.
Sharon Drew Morgen February 16th, 2026
Posted In: News
Imagine being in a strange country where you don’t understand the mores – and aren’t aware you don’t understand them. Say, waiting for scrambled eggs to show up for breakfast in Tel Aviv (They eat salad for breakfast), or saying a friendly “Hi” to young indigenous men in the jungles of Ecuador, wondering why they then followed you in a pack (Looking into a man’s eyes means a woman is ready for sex.).
Because events get interpreted uniquely by different cultures, people like me on the Spectrum are sort of stuck: NeuroTypicals (NTs) make the rules. And from my vantage point they are crazy.
DIFFERENT STROKES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS
As an Aspie, my internal rules, my assumptions, my responses, and my perceptions are different from a NTs. I hear metamessages (unspoken assumptions) primarily and content secondarily; I respond according to what the Speaker intended (often unspoken) rather than what my (biased) ears interpret. I think in systems, in wholes and experience the world in patterns, not sequences and details as NTs prmarily do.
NTs seem to operate using rules that fit a norm I cannot fathom. Yet somehow, with the majority of humans on the NT scale, there’s agreement that those rules make sense. In my mind, they don’t.
Why should I reply “Fine, thanks. How are you?” when someone asks how I am? It’s a real question that should be answered with how I’m faring, right? If they don’t want to know how I am, why did they ask? And how did it get agreed that a meaningless exchange is an authentic greeting? I’ll never understand.
Why am I labeled inappropriate when I respond to something differently than ‘expected’, and sometimes an interesting add-on to what’s been said? Who says NTs are the ones who understand accurately? Maybe my references and responses are the correct way of seeing. Maybe my references and responses are a great ‘add’ to a conversation that expands the scope of the subject. Maybe my comments are worthy of curiosity.
Why am I the one being too direct? Why aren’t NTs more honest?
Why am I the one who’s deemed too intense? Why are NTs so superficial?
I recently watched my 7 year old friend throw a small toy across the room where his four younger sibs played on the floor. Stop throwing that, said Dad, afraid the little ones might get hurt. My friend again threw the toy. Stop, or I’ll take it away, said Dad. Again, the toy went across the room. Give me that. No more toy.
I said to my young friend, “Your dad was afraid the toy might hurt your brothers and sister. What were you hoping to accomplish by throwing that toy?”
“I wanted to understand how it was spinning.”
“So next time, tell Dad what you want to do and he’ll let you go outside to throw it.” Why didn’t Dad get curious? Why was removing the toy without understanding the reasoning the only option? This was a clear case of NT’s and Aspies considering different aspects of the same problem – something that happens far too frequently in my world.
THINKING IN SYSTEMS LEADS TO MORE CREATIVITY
My Aspie brain perceives a wholly different culture from the world of NTs, with different expectations, referents, assumptions, thinking systems, rules, and interpretations. My systems thinking and different understanding of what’s happening has enabled me to develop new models for conscious choice, different from the long-held biases and assumptions built into behavior change-based conventional business, personal, and healthcare models.
Indeed, with my ability to see, hear, and notice largely unconscious systems, I have devoted my life to unraveling, (de)coding, and inventing models for change in a way that gets to the unconscious systems that generate values-based decisions so change becomes easy and everyone can make congruent choices.
Thinking in systems has it possible for me to develop models I’ve trained to 100,000 people globally. Yet I continue to be judged negatively against the norms of the NT world.
How, I wonder, does the world change unless the outliers like me instigate radical change? You can’t do that from the middle. And if more NTs were willing to be curious, look through a different lens, it wouldn’t take people like me decades to instill productive ideas.
RIGHT VS WRONG
So that brings me to my question: How do Aspies end up being the ones who are wrong or on the wrong side of normal? Why? Because my ideas, my speaking patterns, are different? Because they challenge the norm? Why isn’t that exciting? Or fun? Or interesting?
The good news about Aspies is that we’re often pretty smart. Because we think in systems and can see all aspects of something we often are the innovators, the visionaries, who notice, invent, code stuff decades before academics or scientists.
In these days of more openness and a real desire to accept minorities, to communicate and live without bias, maybe it’s time that Aspies are acknowledged as well.
Maybe when NTs hear someone say something that’s a bit off the mark, or rattle on about a topic that’s interesting albeit a bit long winded (We get SO excited by our topics!), maybe they can just say, ‘Hm. Sounds like an Aspie. I wonder what I can learn here. I wonder if I can be curious about something new.’ Then we, too, can have a voice. And just maybe we can become a welcome addition, add our two cents, and maybe make the world a better place because of our differences. Just sayin’.
_____________________________________
Sharon-Drew Morgen is a breakthrough innovator and original thinker, having developed new paradigms in sales (inventor Buying Facilitation®, listening/communication (What? Did you really say what I think I heard?), change management (The How of Change™), coaching, and leadership. She is the author of several books, including her new book HOW? Generating new neural circuits for learning, behavior change and decision making, the NYTimes Business Bestseller Selling with Integrity and Dirty Little Secrets: why buyers can’t buy and sellers can’t sell). Sharon-Drew coaches and consults with companies seeking out of the box remedies for congruent, servant-leader-based change in leadership, healthcare, and sales. Her award-winning blog carries original articles with new thinking, weekly. www.sharon-drew.com She can be reached at sharondrew@sharondrewmorgen.com.
Sharon Drew Morgen February 9th, 2026
Posted In: Communication, News
It’s often said that change is hard. But it only seems hard because of the way we’re going about it. I’ve been developing systemic brain change models for decades: With different thinking it’s possible to meet goals, enable buy-in, inspire ownership, and avoid resistance altogether.
We’re a culture dominated by the mind. Information. Data. Content. Stories. Facts. Our minds certainly need data to think with, to learn from and weight decisions with.
But it becomes a problem when we want to make a change. When we assume we can effect new behaviors and prompt change because we desire it and provide ‘rational’ reasons for it, because we’re in a leadership position and plan it, we often fail. You see, neither facts, stories, information or new goals cause permanent change.
PERMANENT CHANGE IS A BRAIN THING
Change is a brain thing (electrochemical; systemic); information and behaviors are mind things (intentional; tactical). Outputs – behaviors, actions, choices – emerge from instructions triggered by the brain.
Problems – failures, resistance, risk – arise when we assume we only need to change behaviors to solve a problem. There’s no way to change a behavior by merely trying to change a behavior: our brain will always produce the same output when we seek to replace something we’ve been doing (an action or habit or even an unconscious pattern) with a different behavior.
When we merely try to change our behaviors, there are no circuits to trigger the new for retention and ongoing use – the foundational problem with behavior-based change models. This is why
As important as any change might be, if there are no neural circuits to house the new instructions, or retain the proposed activities or learning, there’s no way for change to be maintained.
Take a look at my presentation at Columbia University Learning Ideas Conference in which I explain how to generate new neural circuits for a training program. And my book HOW? details the mind-brain connection and how to construct the specific circuitry to generate the choice we desire.
OUR BRAIN TRIGGERS BEHAVIORS
For permanent change, we must begin all change initiatives by setting up the systems (generally values-based and inclusive) that will automatically generate and maintain new choices. Trying to change without generating the new brain circuitry is like expecting your bike to ride itself without you peddling, then blaming the bike.
For example: when starting a new project, explaining to users the importance of the change (regardless of the need or efficacy of the solution) will generally produce resistance as the information may clash with the existing practices and habituated norms. But by assembling all involved, including their voices – needs, fears, ideas – and values-based criteria for change, it’s possible to set goals that everyone agrees to and works hard to achieve.
It’s the same with changing a habit. Instead of merely trying to change behaviors that have been habituated and normalized for some time, figure out the core beliefs and values that need to be met (“I’m a healthy person seeking my best food choices to maintain my weight over time”, rather than “I need to lose weight, and this time I’ll keep it off!”) and incorporate the values-based criteria into the change.
Unfortunately, discipline or ‘rational’ thinking or new goals can’t prompt new circuit configurations or new activity. Things like maintaining new habits, trying to maintain departmental change, pitching a product or story to prompt decision making, cannot be triggered into normalized action because of the risk they pose to the status quo. And our current change practices don’t have the tools to get to the specific areas in the unconscious to generate new neural circuits to trigger our new choices.
Current change models try to fix the symptom and ignore modifying the initiation point (generally values-based) they emanate from. Models like Behavior Modification, or Cognitive Behavior Change or ADKAR or Kotter try to push change with mind-based mastery like discipline, repetition, regulation, rational thinking, habit creation, practice, and training. But the mind has no way of carrying out our wishes. The mind is merely the translator of the brain’s instructions.
CHANGE FACILITATION
I have spent decades unwrapping the route between the conscious and the unconscious and have developed unique, unbiased, systemic skill sets to generate new neural circuits: a form of question that is brain directional; a meta way to listen; the sequence of change, etc. to enable permanent change and learning.
I train these facilitation models in sales, coaching, OD, System Dynamics, training and healthcare to help learners learn permanently, help buyers make decisions, help clients make permanent change, help teams change and clients implement large scale projects.
Got it? So next time your team is having a hard time making a change and giving you resistance, call me and I’ll teach you all how to facilitate change permanently…from the brain.
_____________________________
Sharon-Drew Morgen is a breakthrough innovator and original thinker, having developed new paradigms in sales (inventor Buying Facilitation®, listening/communication (What? Did you really say what I think I heard?), change management (The How of Change™), coaching, and leadership. She is the author of several books, including her new book HOW? Generating new neural circuits for learning, behavior change and decision making, the NYTimes Business Bestseller Selling with Integrity and Dirty Little Secrets: why buyers can’t buy and sellers can’t sell). Sharon-Drew coaches and consults with companies seeking out of the box remedies for congruent, servant-leader-based change in leadership, healthcare, and sales. Her award-winning blog carries original articles with new thinking, weekly. www.sharon-drew.com She can be reached at sharondrew@sharondrewmorgen.com.
Sharon Drew Morgen February 2nd, 2026
Posted In: Change Management
Where does ‘common knowledge’ come from? I began wondering when writing my book on the gap between what’s said and what’s heard. I had thought I was an attentive listener and heard everything perfectly because, well, obviously, we all hear precisely what a speaker shares! Nope. Turns out we only accurately ‘hear’ 10-35% of what’s been said! My goodness! If that bit of common knowledge was wrong, what else was wrong?
With my new awareness I began keeping a list and found many common assumptions that we’ve all perpetuated. I’d like to share some – by no means a complete list – that we take for granted that have been proven untrue or at least face reasonable doubt as fail rates prevail in habit change, weight loss, implementations, selling, coaching, etc.
WHY NOT USE FAILURE AS A REASON TO CHANGE?
These erroneous norms (below) have been handed down for decades and built into many of our (business) practices. Sadly, due to their ubiquitous nature, they continue without even casting doubt (i.e. false assumptions like ‘people will buy once sellers find prospects with need’ – 95% failure; ‘habits can change permanently with behavior modification’ – 97% failure.).
Why is failure merely built-into the bottom line (hire 9x more sellers, i.e.) rather than changing assumptions? If we realize that change models achieve resistance in almost all projects, and over 70% of project fail, why not do something different and alleviate it by ensuring and managing buy-in before a project commences?
As you read these and find yourself resisting, remember: your assumptions are the norms through which you translate what’s been said and restrict your curiosity, your behaviors, your choices. We are all hampered by their universal repetition and imbedded use, following us into daily life: scientific research, college programs; healthcare, behavior change….
This article will hopefully broaden your world view, inspire further thought, or at least cause you to do some research. Or maybe just make you angry.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Behaviors are standalone events and pop up as needed.
Resistance is a natural element during change.
Selling causes buying.
People don’t consider the risk when making choices.
You can change a behavior with habit change and behavior modification.
People who are homeless got that way through mistakes they’ve made.
A reduced calorie intake maintains weight loss.
Good information will produce a new decision, cause learners to learn, people to buy, and patients to change their behaviors.
Statins are the only way to reduce cholesterol and there are no natural remedies that are more effective (Hint: Red Yeast Rice).
The toilet seat should be down.
I am speaking with the decision maker.
Choice comes from conscious decision making.
Sellers can understand what buyers need; meetings are important to the sales process.
Implementation occurs when clients are given a good solution.
Learning occurs when new information is presented.
Neuroplasticity occurs when the brain experiences new inputs.
Doctors have the answers. We will heal if we follow their suggestions.
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
The only remedy for a bad, painful hip is a hip replacement.
Agave is healthy. Butter, ice cream, and fats are bad for you. Eggs have too much cholesterol.
Mick Jagger is the leader of the Rolling Stones.
Castor oil makes you healthy.
If we listen intentionally/carefully/attentively, we will accurately understand what’s been said.
Eye blinks are so short they don’t affect our vision.
Everyone interprets specific words the same way.
There’s such a thing as objectively rational.
The role of a coach is to impart knowledge/wisdom.
Leaders understand enough about a problem to set the goal for a project.
We can figure out what’s really going on by noticing behavioral problems.
Mind and Brain are interchangeable.
Our curiosity is infinite.
We can learn and retain new knowledge when we hear it.
Good questions elicit good, accurate answers.
Permanent, resistance-free change is possible when good information is known and practiced.
When we believe/recognize an idea/answer to be a good one, it probably is.
Intuition is not restricted.
People over 70 aren’t horny anymore.
We interpret words according to their meaning.
People will buy when they’ve understood how a specific solution will fix their problem; an appropriate solution will generate a buying decision.
If you hunch over and raise your shoulders you’ll get warm.
Voice bots and virtual receptionists can take care of customers as well as live receptionists.
Memories are accurate renditions of what occurred.
It’s possible to accurately hear what Others say.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
I hope these cliches prompted some thoughts! And for being so supportive and reading this far, here two gems: a present: the amount of time football players actually physically play is 11 minutes; If you add up the time you’re functionally blind when you blink, you’ve been unsighted for 23 minutes a day. SD
__________________________
Sharon-Drew Morgen is a breakthrough innovator and original thinker, having developed new paradigms in sales (inventor Buying Facilitation®, listening/communication (What? Did you really say what I think I heard?), change management (The How of Change™), coaching, and leadership. She is the author of several books, including her new book HOW? Generating new neural circuits for learning, behavior change and decision making, the NYTimes Business Bestseller Selling with Integrity and Dirty Little Secrets: why buyers can’t buy and sellers can’t sell). Sharon-Drew coaches and consults with companies seeking out of the box remedies for congruent, servant-leader-based change in leadership, healthcare, and sales. Her award-winning blog carries original articles with new thinking, weekly. www.sharon-drew.com She can be reached at sharondrew@sharondrewmorgen.com.
Sharon Drew Morgen January 23rd, 2026
Posted In: News
After having several conversations with a new prospect and his team in 2015 we all decided to move forward and get them trained in Buying Facilitation® so they could not only close more/faster but use the telephone for the initial prospecting, risk management, and team assembly.
I sent a contract to Joe including the agreed-upon dates and the team’s requirements. I then received an email from him saying he needed to put the program on hold for six months so his new hires could prove their value and start earning money – very different from our agreement. I called him.
“I’m confused. How can your new hires start earning money if they won’t get their training for several months? And how can they prove their value selling the mainstream way when you want them to learn to first facilitate the Buy Side (Buying Facilitation®)?”
WHO IS THE BUYER?
My prospect said that the COO (Frank) called him in when my contract came over his desk saying that if they were going to spend ‘that kind of money’ on sales training they had better have a team in place that had earned it.
Joe was both angry and embarrassed: he had thought he was the decision maker given it was his own budget, the team had agreed to the training, and his boss hadn’t exhibited any interest in sales training before this. He felt his boss didn’t trust him.
What appeared to be a ‘closed’ sale had just become a money objection from a “C” level executive who had no idea who I was, what I was offering, or how to put a value on it, and he was overriding his own Sales Director and the entire sales team. And money seemed to be his only criteria.
But I knew that money is rarely the real objection. I had to find out what was going on and see if I could facilitate the COO to a different decision.
Joe and I put our heads together and decided to have Frank call me to discuss it. We believed that if I could lead Frank through the Buying Facilitation® Method and he could experience it personally, he’d be able to decide for himself.
I knew I’d have to handle both money and phone objections as Frank believed no business could be handled on the phone. I also had to walk an interesting line: not only was Frank superseding Joe’s authority and disrespecting him, his discomfort came from faulty assumptions: I wasn’t delivering ‘sales training’.
CASE STUDY: THERE ARE NO REAL MONEY OBJECTIONS
Below is a transcript of the actual call that employs Buying Facilitation®. It includes commentary on the specific tools I use to help Frank examine, and possibly expand, his own criteria; notice his own incongruences; trust me and trust Joe; and give the green light to the training.
As you read this, note: Buying Facilitation® uses a different set of tools than standard for sales: Meta Listening, Facilitative Questions™, Presumptive Summaries, and the sequence of unconscious decision making and change. It offers no information or pitch; and has a different goal – to facilitate people through their unconscious to their own answers.
Sellers often forget they have nothing to sell if someone has nothing to buy. And since the risk of change is one of the main factors in a buying decision, Buying Facilitation® facilitates people through their hidden risk factors as well as helps them discover their unconscious values and criteria and self-identify as buyers.
As per arrangement, Frank called. His voice was tough, crisp, and in charge.
Frank: I understand you’ve been speaking with Joe and the team about doing some training. I’m OK with that [So why are we having this conversation?]. He’s got his own budget, but with so many new folks, it’ll have to wait until they prove themselves. And if you want to have a discussion with me about it, you’ll have to come here to visit us (A three-hour drive each way.). It would probably be a good idea for us to meet anyway. I’m curious to meet someone who charges that much for a training program. [He obviously has no idea that Buying Facilitation® is original IP and I’m the inventor.]
SDM: Gosh, I hate to drive. Hmmm. How ‘bout if we meet halfway – we’ll each drive one and one half hours?
F: You want ME to drive?? [It’s ok for ME to drive??]
SDM; Oh. You hate to drive also [This puts us on equal footing,]. Hmmm. I have an idea. Since neither of us want to drive, how ‘bout if we spend a few moments on the phone and see where we stand. We might end up hating each other and there won’t be any need for either of us to drive.
F: Sounds reasonable. [I just helped him overcome his objections to using the phone AND his insistence I drive to him. He’s also ceding some control.]
SDM: I hear you are having thoughts about my prices. [I’m now taking over the conversation and starting the Buying Facilitation® process.]
F: Well, they are higher than I’ve ever heard of for sales training. But of course, if we end up getting fair value for it, it would be worth it. [But he objected before he knew that. Obviously money isn’t the issue! And he’s begun trying to sell the idea to himself. Not to mention I’m not running a sales training program.]
SDM: Given you don’t know who I am, what your folks would learn, what about my original model might be worth more than conventional training, or how to know upfront if you’d get value from it, you must be uncomfortable. [Presumptive Summary that names his objections and throws in a bit of information he wasn’t aware of.]
F: Not uncomfortable, exactly, because I trust Joe’s decision making [Really?]. But you’re correct. I’m not happy spending that kind of money for something I believe I can get cheaper. [Good for him. He’s put his cards on the table. But he assumes he understands what I’m offering without considering the possibility that maybe he doesn’t.]
SDM: So how would you know that Buying Facilitation® – the model I’ve developed that facilitates the Buy Side decision-making and will be teaching [Words chosen carefully to build in my presumed contract] Joe’s folks – offers a new set of skills that would actually give you the type of ROI that you’re seeking? [Facilitative Question™]
F: I wouldn’t. I’d just have to take Joe’s word for it. [But he already didn’t, so that’s not the real answer. He’s showing no curiosity or interest in understanding what I’m offering and doesn’t offer any opening to change his opinion. Holding his cards very close to his chest. But I’m still in control of the call.]
SDM: I wonder if there is a way that you could learn enough about Buying Facilitation® to give you comfort, get you to recognize its value, and see if it’s the sort of Model that would get your numbers up to where you want them to be. [That’s all the pitch I need.]
F: I suppose I should know something about the Model. Is there something you can send me so I can learn about it? [He’s now doing business on the phone AND being curious! Not to mention he didn’t ask me – the inventor, who is on the phone with him! – to explain anything!] Obviously if Joe is willing to use his entire training budget to bring you in, it must have value and it would probably be good for me to learn about it. [Note it took only minutes to get here.] What else would you suggest I do? [He’s trusting me! But I must take care to continue helping his decision-making process and avoid saying anything that would bias him. If I pitch now his brain will compare his initial – faulty – assumptions against what I say, and the work I’ve done so far in this conversation to enable his personal discovery would be wasted and I’d have lost the job.]
SDM: I can send you some essays, and Joe has a copy of my book you can read. I understand that before we move forward, you’ll need to figure out what my value is. [I’ve moved the conversation from ‘trusting Joe’ to the real issue: why would he be willing to pay a lot for something he perceived he could get cheaper?] How would you know that my program is worth what I’m charging?
F: I probably wouldn’t know until after the program.
SDM: Then it becomes like a Bungee jump – you won’t know if it’s going to work until after you’ve jumped. And then it’s too late.
We all laughed.
SDM: So, what would you need to know about Buying Facilitation® that would help you understand that it would give your people a new set of tools to double their numbers as you’ve required? [A small pitch that offers reasons working with me would avoid risk. Notice I’m still not trying to sell him as he still doesn’t know what he wants to buy and he’s not aware that I’m the inventor and trainer. Most inventors don’t train their inventions personally.]
F: You’re saying that it’s a different model from sales? That’s interesting. [I hadn’t said that, but my Facilitative Question™ implied it.] I guess if we kept using the same selling model we’d keep getting the same results. [He’s selling himself now.] Different from sales, and yet it will close more. Hmm. Will I be able understand the Model from what I’m going to read? [I was dying to give a pitch somewhere in here, but Frank never asked me to explain anything. All of his learning criteria were based on reading something, not hearing something.]
SDM: Correct. Just to sum this up: you’d like to understand the Model and how it’s different from sales, how it will give you the results you require, and who I am.
F: You’re right. But I bet Joe did his homework already and has this under control. [Seems he’s sold himself and has alleviated his risk.] Besides, it seems the reps want to learn from you. [His level of trust was now pretty high for both me, Joe, and the team. And notice he’s now sold himself… and I’ve given him no pitch!]
SDM: I think we all hope you’re right.
We all laughed again.
SDM: What would need to happen for you to get comfortable enough for us to move forward in the time frame that best suits your company given the revenue increases you’re seeking for next year? [Notice I keep facilitating him toward his own unconscious decision making so his fears of risk are alleviated. And I’m not biasing his response – he can still respond that he wants to read the material and meet me before going forward.]
F: Tell you what. I’ll read whatever you send me. An article would be great. If it’s as good as I assume it must be for Joe to go out on a limb like this, given that he’s had to do some hard thinking to figure out how to meet the objectives I’ve given him, and that the team is excited to learn from you, I’ll give Joe a tacit agreement to move forward. [It seems I’ve proven myself, and the money objection is gone. Note: he still doesn’t know what Buying Facilitation® is, what the values is, or who I am! And I haven’t sold a thing, although I’ll pitch when we meet.] But I’d like to call you with questions if you don’t mind. And, when we’re ready to sign the contract, let’s do it over lunch – my treat – and we’ll each drive and meet halfway.
Joe and I burst out laughing. After a moment Frank starting laughing too. Frank had figured out his own solution, sold himself, trusted both me and Joe, used the phone for business, and had no more objections. He even was willing to drive halfway to buy me lunch!
F: I suppose you just used the model on me, right?? You haven’t sold me a thing – no pitch, no presentation. You just helped me decide how to choose you and manage my own objections. [Smart man.]
I hope this is what you’re going to teach my folks as I see how it will shorten the sales cycle and capture folks who don’t think they need to buy anything. Not only did I not want to sign the contract when I began, I didn’t believe it was possible to use the phone for anything more than getting an appointment. Thanks, Sharon-Drew. I’m excited. I can’t wait to meet you. And I can see this model isn’t only for sales, and more of us in the company could learn your model for difficult conversations with each other and with clients.
MONEY OBJECTIONS
Objections happen only when someone’s criteria are being pushed against their will; money objections occur when folks don’t understand value, or as a stop gap to change (i.e. not about money itself). And explaining value by pitching what you believe needs to be pitched, handling objections the way you think they should be handled, or presenting the information you believe needs to be presented, only presents the seller’s biased viewpoint doesn’t help.
When two things appear equal, the only differential is money. When value is understood, money is not the criteria.
Of course, I still needed the sales model, but only later, after he’d already figured out his own criteria. In this conversation, I did several things to help him decide to buy:
If you go back to the conversation, you’ll note I kept enabling Frank to figure out for himself how to choose me and my material. And the sequencing and wording of my Presumptive Summaries and Facilitative Questions™, both enabled by me listening for systems and patterns instead of content, led him to understand that what I was selling would meet his criteria. Plus I’d proven my value as a Partner because I respected him.
This, btw, is the difference between facilitating the Buy Side and sales. I would still have to ‘sell’ Frank my training over lunch, but I wouldn’t need to offer as much content or manage objections.
Also it was a very ‘pushy’ dialogue. The conversation might appear at first glance to be soft, but indeed it was very controlled and relentless: I kept leading him into making the decisions he needed to make and avoided any pitch or contradiction to his objections.
At no point did I defend my price or change it. Note that if I started pitching product and defending price, the conversation wouldn’t have gotten very far. Price wasn’t the issue: it was his discomfort not knowing how to spend ‘that sort of money’ for something that was new to him.
FRANK MADE HIS OWN DECISIONS
In conclusion: as I led Frank through his own issues, he figured it out himself. I didn’t pitch, present or propose. I didn’t have to handle objections or prove my value. I used Buying Facilitation® on the phone to help him make a six figure decision that he was initially opposed to: He had to recognize his own criteria and make a judgment call as to whether or not it was being met.
Remember: Frank’s criteria were not only hidden from me, but initially hidden from him! Even if I understood what was going on it wouldn’t have mattered. HE needed to understand for himself. And he did. And I didn’t sell a thing. All I did was lead him through his own decision criteria to his own best decision.
I believe that before we sell – the Sell Side, based on placing solutions by finding folks with ‘need’ and introducing relevant product details – we must facilitate buyers through to their own best decisions, using their own criteria, and the internal, unique decision criteria that outsiders can never understand – the Buy Side.
Selling doesn’t cause buying. But it’s possible to facilitate prospects through their change management, risk management, buy-in, and unique cultural impediments, we can position our product as their own solution. It’s ethical, based on win-win, truly supportive of a collaborative Partnership, and uses no manipulation or influencing strategies. Ultimately, it trusts that the Buyer will come up with his/her own best answers, and if me and my product fit into the Buyer’s solution, I’ll be chosen.
Would you rather sell? Or have someone buy. If you wish to learn Buying Facilitation®, please contact me: sharondrew@sharondrewmorgen.com
_______________________
Sharon-Drew Morgen is a breakthrough innovator and original thinker, having developed new paradigms in sales (inventor Buying Facilitation®, listening/communication (What? Did you really say what I think I heard?), change management (The How of Change™), coaching, and leadership. She is the author of several books, including her new book HOW? Generating new neural circuits for learning, behavior change and decision making, the NYTimes Business Bestseller Selling with Integrity and Dirty Little Secrets: why buyers can’t buy and sellers can’t sell). Sharon-Drew coaches and consults with companies seeking out of the box remedies for congruent, servant-leader-based change in leadership, healthcare, and sales. Her award-winning blog carries original articles with new thinking, weekly. www.sharon-drew.com She can be reached at sharondrew@sharondrewmorgen.com.
Sharon Drew Morgen January 19th, 2026
Posted In: News
Dear Vendor:
I assume you want my business and care about keeping me as a loyal customer. I also assume that whatever you do, whoever you hire, is paid for by my contributions to your coffers and you need me to keep your business afloat. Why, then, do you disrespect me? Insult me? Waste my time? Infuriate me?
I’m writing to tell you that your voice bots and virtual receptionists stink. They waste my time keeping me on hold for hours – Best Buy once kept me on hold for 13 hours (!). When the tech called at 3:10 a.m. and asked (in a perky voice, no less) ‘So how are you today!?’ he hung up on me when I replied: ‘Angry. Why have you kept me on hold since yesterday? Do you know it’s the middle of the night here now?’ – transfer me to incorrect departments, keep playing that insipid music that makes me want to vomit, offer me useless choices and otherwise make it impossible for me to get through to you.
WHY ARE YOU USING VIRTUAL RECEPTIONISTS?
I’d really like to know why you’re using these insulting bits of software. Are you trying to save money? I would think the customers you lose would cost you money in the long run. Not to mention you’re thinking short-term and fail to remember you’re in business to serve. Indeed, every product you sell is a promise to serve. You’ve apparently forgotten your promise. And while large companies can weather some lost business, smaller companies can’t…not to mention they’ve lost an opportunity to touch customers and brand themselves as a caring company that serves customers.
Do you not realize that by not touching customers when they call, you’re giving up the ability to serve and generate trust, hear what’s going on, or understand and resolve the repeating complaints that might eventually lead to new sales? I can’t tell you the number of times good receptionists have led me to resolutions I hadn’t known about, or given me new ideas and ways to use your products.
Maybe there are other reasons: you think your phone bots and virtual receptionists offer me better help than a real human? Maybe – and this seems most likely to me, your customer – you just want me to stop calling. When I call and get these infuriating ‘voices’ and inappropriate options, and am left on hold forever, I’m sorry I purchased anything from you. I certainly won’t do so again. And when friends ask for referrals, I share a story of how you wasted my time and suggest they find another supplier.
PLEASE CALL IN TO YOUR OWN COMPANY
I have a great idea. Call in to your own company. You might be surprised to find you’re offered unhelpful choices. Or face long hold times (and then get dropped). Or get sent to the wrong department – if you ever even get through. Make sure you call when you have no meetings planned because you’ll be put on hold for minutes/hours to ensure you waste your time.
Oh – here’s a hint. Don’t bother telling the bot what you want as you’ll be misinterpreted or given bad/inappropriate choices (Regardless of the question or offered choices, just keep repeating REPRESENTATIVE until you’re screaming it.). You might find yourself annoyed that you’ll need to call back again and again to get through to anyone or anything! Even your own reps don’t want to place a call into your receptionist to help me find the right department after I’ve been sent down a rabbit hole and some sympathetic employee tries to help me.
WHAT IS YOUR GOAL?
I wonder if you even want me as a customer. But maybe that’s your plan – to get me so frustrated that I’ll not call again? That you’ll hope my problem will disappear itself? I recently failed to get through to UPS to file a complaint against a driver for deeply unprofessional behavior. As he was leaving his van to make a delivery, I asked him to move it from my marked parking spot so I could park. He refused, kept walking away, called me a Bitch, then gave me The Finger. Does UPS want their drivers doing that? I would think they’d want to either fire this guy or at least offer him further training. Are they happy to have this guy represent them? Or maybe they just don’t care about their employees or brand either?
Here’s a question: What do you expect me to do when I need you for information, or product support? If you cared about me or your brand, I’d speak with a human to make sure my complaint gets through to the right place, or my problem gets solved.
It seems you don’t care. I, for one, won’t buy from you again. I look forward to the old days, when companies cared about me and keeping my business. What a shame we all have to be at the wrong end of this nonsense now. Fix it.
________________________
Sharon-Drew Morgen is a breakthrough innovator and original thinker, having developed new paradigms in sales (inventor Buying Facilitation®, listening/communication (What? Did you really say what I think I heard?), change management (The How of Change™), coaching, and leadership. She is the author of several books, including her new book HOW? Generating new neural circuits for learning, behavior change and decision making, the NYTimes Business Bestseller Selling with Integrity and Dirty Little Secrets: why buyers can’t buy and sellers can’t sell). Sharon-Drew coaches and consults with companies seeking out of the box remedies for congruent, servant-leader-based change in leadership, healthcare, and sales. Her award-winning blog carries original articles with new thinking, weekly. www.sharon-drew.com, https://sharondrew1.substack.com/, and https://medium.com/@sharondrew_9898/. She can be reached at sharondrew@sharondrewmorgen.com.
Sharon Drew Morgen January 12th, 2026
Posted In: Communication, Listening
I wonder why I rarely hear the word Dignity used in business. Not only do we each seek to do work and have relationships that encourage and include dignity, we aspire to promote products and have client connections in ways that maintain the self-worth and self-respect of all.
But I’m certain we could all do a lot more to achieve it. Let me share a personal story that first alerted me to the importance of dignity.
In the 1980s I moved to London to start up a tech company and simultaneously started up a non-profit to support folks with the neurological disease my son suffers from (We just had our 40th year anniversary!). The woman I partnered with (Joan) was a long-time sufferer of the illness and had great difficulty opening her eyelids or lifting her neck. But she worked hard to type notes (just a few typos!) to other sufferers sending resources, and setting up ‘meet and greets’ with doctors and medical schools around the UK where we’d travel to share the latest treatment information.
Every Wednesday night Joan and I went to dinner prior to getting down to work. And every Wednesday night I picked up the check, knowing Joan – age 75 at the time and obviously disabled – was living on state assistance. But one Wednesday as I reached for the check, Joan’s hand came down onto mine.
Joan: I’ll pay tonight.
SD: That’s okay. I’m working and have more available cash than you have.
Joan: I said I’ll pay. I may not have money, but I have dignity. Don’t take away my dignity.
I then realized that by always paying I was taking away her agency, her dignity as an equal partner. Seems it wasn’t about the money at all. In fact, my decision to pay for each meal suddenly seemed like a power thing. How many times had I substituted money and power for dignity?
PROMOTING DIGNITY IN THE WORKPLACE
Dignity is a private, personal consideration we each hold that matches our beliefs about who we are; we gravitate toward people who honor it. Through our personal dignity we show up authentically and remove ourselves from people and situations that threaten it.
In our personal lives we observe the dignity of our friends and family. But I am unaware of this term being applied in the workplace with specific actions that will ensure we provide dignity to those we touch. This article discusses how to impart dignity and what to do to achieve it.
As entrepreneurs and business owners we must
But how do we ‘do’ dignity?
1. Fair pay: I can’t say this strongly enough. Paying people fairly enables them to feel respected and valued, and take care of their families and their health. Without fair pay, the rest of this article is moot.
2. A culture of diversity: Diversity is a word thrown around a lot, but what does it really mean? Sure, it means racial and gender diversity in hiring and advancement practices. But what about neurodivergent folks who get ignored because their ideas don’t seem to fit in? What about folks who think or act differently? Each difference expands possibilities and enables a broader range of ideas and promise.
As someone with Asperger’s and highly out-of-the-box ideas, I spent years being ignored and denigrated when in fact my concepts would have prevented many situations, facilitated successful projects without resistance, and closed a lot more sales. How do we create and maintain a culture of real diversity in which everyone’s voice gets appreciated and no one faces indignity?
3. Transparent communication: Too often management omits making the full data set available, making it impossible to gather the full fact pattern or inspire creativity. Worse, good ideas get dismissed or go unheard and employees end up being disincentivized. The cost is incalculable to companies, employees, and clients: not only does creativity falter, but people lose trust in their employers.
4. Work-life balance: When we expect our folks to work weekends, long hours, lots of overtime, we take away their dignity as human beings, not to mention their time to destress, think, relax so they can return to work invigorated and creative. We not only harm them, we harm our own productivity and success.
If there’s a frequent problem causing staff to work excessive hours, it becomes a stress/health issue. We need to either hire additional staff or allow the problem a lengthier solution process that doesn’t require employees to regularly give up their private time.
When we exploit our employee’s dignity, we cause folks to go home crying, face sleepless nights, feel disrespected. I know this from the countless interviews I’ve had with unhappy employees: They may not tell us, but their work will fall off and eventually they’ll leave for a job that will respect them.
PROMOTING DIGNITY WITH CLIENTS
Promoting dignity must extend to clients and customers. Here are a few factors to consider:
Remember: without addressing and maintaining our client’s dignity, we wouldn’t even be in business.
DIGNITY IS A PRIMARY BUSINESS PRACTICE
It’s necessary to add dignity as a necessary element for creating and maintaining integrous business practices for our staff and customer base. Here are some Facilitative Questions™ to help you think through any changes you might need to make and inspire compliance:
Should you wish to enhance your skill set to include Dignity in your staff training as a soft skill, marketing, promotions, decision making practices and projects, please contact me to discuss: sharondrew@sharondrewmorgen.com
______________
Sharon-Drew Morgen is a breakthrough innovator and original thinker, having developed new paradigms in sales (inventor Buying Facilitation®, listening/communication (What? Did you really say what I think I heard?), change management (The How of Change™), coaching, and leadership. She is the author of several books, including her new book HOW? Generating new neural circuits for learning, behavior change and decision making, the NYTimes Business Bestseller Selling with Integrity and Dirty Little Secrets: why buyers can’t buy and sellers can’t sell). Sharon-Drew coaches and consults with companies seeking out of the box remedies for congruent, servant-leader-based change in leadership, healthcare, and sales. Her award-winning blog carries original articles with new thinking, weekly. www.sharon-drew.com She can be reached at sharondrew@sharondrewmorgen.com.
Sharon Drew Morgen January 5th, 2026
Posted In: News